A thousand lovers

First there was Mick, then there was Sewell and now there’s Roache.
They have all “revealed” they spent their lives sowing their seeds with the commitment of Iowan corn farmers – hitting or surpassing the 1,000 lover mark. Mick Hucknall felt the need to issue a public apology and today Bill Roache, who has played Ken Barlow in Corrie for the last 52 years, is handing out warnings that such behaviour “does not make you happy”.

Well, firstly, as the daughter of two doctors  – having flicked through medical magazines over my Frosties every morning for nearly two decades  – I hope they were tested. Regularly.
Secondly, Sewell aside who is clearly delighted with himself, why the regret, why the apologies, why the warning?

It smacks a little of the curled lip and raised eyebrow of a yummy mummy who “feels terrible” about drinking a bottle of wine when she nipped over to collect Oscar from the neighbours. She’s clearly delighted to tell her miserable friends she went off piste on a Tuesday night but can’t say it with pride.  
When these men were told during their prime that love making is about sharing something special and their behaviour would not make them happy, I bet my bottom dollar they replied with a well-known aggressive word pairing.
They may now feel a little sorry that it is over, but Roache – who was affectionately nicknamed “Cock Roache” by his colleagues  – is 80 next month, and I get the distinct feeling he is wearing the revelations like a badge of honour.
Hucknall’s apology to the women he optimistically claims to have “used”  (don’t get me started on the belief that women are incapable of being opportunists) must be, for any red-headed, chubby man on the Clapham Omnibus, conclusive evidence that a sexual Mecca exists.

So, now I propose the reinvention of a secular confession box! That way these enlightened men, except not Sewell, becasue he would clearly do it all again if he was up to it, can get their past off their well-licked chests without being forced to tell everyone about it. They can feel forgiven, appreciate the lessons that they have learnt and the world need not know such atrocities.